Where's My Cape?

What I paid for

I haven't had a good record with finding handymen. You know, those jack-of-all-trades who can do everything from fix your leaky pipes to reattching the hinges to your super-broke lazy susan corner cabinet. (I'm not speaking in code, I assure you. Men with tools. Oh, forget it.)

The last time, I went with a guy our real estate agent referred to us and he turned out to be a) overpriced and b) sloppier than a cafeteria school lunch sloppy joe. It left a bad taste in my mouth. (And that's not counting the second hand smoke inhalation from his clothes. Altoid?)

So, it was with a certain wariness that I arranged a handyman from a chain handyman service to take care of some issues at our old place that we've rented out. Today, I met this joker at the house - 20 minutes past the promised window. I knew that he had to prime and sand a couple of areas of ceiling repair from various leaks (This house was well-built. Not.), wait for it to dry, then paint. On the phone, joker man said he would have about an hour of down-time so I suggested he come over to our place which is seriously less than 5 minutes away to do a couple of minor jobs. You know, there's a minimum of like 2 hours per job so I didn't want to waste any of it. It's like $80 an hour! DUDE.

Joker man, of course, is in no hurry to do anything and when I suggested that he come over to our house while the primer was drying, he thought there wouldn't be enough time. Just a few minutes, he said. OK fine. I settled onto the couch and decided to do some writing to pass the time.

Fifteen minutes into it, I hear him tinkering around in the downstairs bathroom. Must be cleaning some brushes or something, I thought. Then, I heard the toilet flush. Meanwhile, I had to run downstairs to grab something from my bag and nearly passed out from the horrid stench. The dude #2'd down there. What? You couldn't take care of this before? Seriously? It was HORRID and all kinds of wrong.

Fine, okay, being the forgiving type, I crawled back upstairs and replanted myself behind my laptop. Pretty soon, I noted that he had a blowdryer aimed at the ceiling, jerry-rigged on a ladder, and he was nowhere to be found. 10 minutes passed. I got up, stretched, and took a look outside the back window that looks down onto the back parking area and saw him lounging in his van, doors and trunk open for ventilation, smoking, flipping through a magazine, and sipping his coffee. FOR REALS.

I paced and fumed.

But really, what could I do? My expectations were fairly low and I just wanted him to finish and be able to go into work not too late. The primer was drying and I figured it just wasn't worth it to make a big deal out of it. Despite the fact that I probably paid at least $25 for his smoke and potty break combined.

All in all, another lovely experience with a handyman.

Do your job and nobody gets hurt

Our tenants moved out a couple of weeks ago, and I had to coordinate getting the house ready for our new tenants who moved in this weekend. The plan was to have the house cleaned and then have some minor repairs and touch-up painting done.

I got the contacts for a cleaning service and a handyman from our realtor who also has rental properties.

The cleaning service had no easy task. Our former tenants, bless their hearts, were wonderful tenants *in general* but thorough cleaning and neatness were never a strong suit. The master bathroom shower? NASTITUDE. That thing had more mold spores than a 5-ton block of blue cheese. Honestly? I would not take a shower in there without a pair of hip waders on. It also smelled of mildew funk, causing one strange pair of Russian mafia Craiglister-viewers to ask whether we had a problem with mold. Great.

But, I figured a professional cleaning service surely could handle it.

When I checked the house the night after it was "cleaned," THE SHOWER FLOOR WAS STILL GREY. I mean, it looked marginally better, but not to basic public health standards. I called the cleaning dispatcher who said he'd meet the crew out there the next day to see if it needed to be re-done. He called me later to say that yes- they did not complete the job correctly and would work on it that day.

Checked that night: shower floor now white. Surrounding tile grout still Mildew Madness. Grrrr.

Called dispatcher again. Can you please work on the grout? Looks disgusto-nast. Why do I have to keep calling? What's up with not doing things right the first time?

Then, the handyman.

Dude was supposed to fill in large nail holes and re-paint. When I looked at his work the next day, there were still crater holes in the walls, they were just now painted over. Um, no. It looked horrible. I had to get him back in the next day to re-do (i.e. do the job he was originally supposed to do). Grrrr. And he was totally overpriced. When I finally told him I was satisfied with his job (because now the holes were actually filled), the guy sends me an email saying he's glad I was satisfied and he hopes I'll think of him in the future for any of my handyman needs. Right. I'll be right back on the phone with you. Already put you on speed dial. Not.

What is up with people not doing their jobs?

Where is my dislike button for life?