Where's My Cape?

Pimp Mama 3

I missed Halloween last year. That sucked majorly. You may remember, though, that I was at a conference that was held at DISNEY WORLD and that The Husband and Girl joined me the day after Halloween. That part rocked.

However, I did miss the actual day of costume (complete with Girl being squeezed into same tiger costume 2 years in a row - that was slightly sad. Glad I missed that part.)

This year, we had two new costumes. (Boy is going to be brainwashed into wanting to be a tiger next year, if all goes as planned.) It was going to be great!

Girl could not have been more enthused about her costume, none other than Mermaid.

 Boy could not be more enthused about his Elmo bag a.k.a Davy Crockett hat.
 

 

Actually, he was a freaking Ewok. How perfect was that? I mean, hello, THE BOY HAS AN EWOK CORE.

The Ewok head gear made the outfit but, dude, Boy would not keep it on. I estimate he spent approximately 20 seconds in the head gear, total, for the night. (It was placed on his head approximately 100 times.)

Of course, I felt compelled to dress up as well to our neighborhood Halloween block party. But as what? I queried my FB posse and had one awesome suggestion: Zombie Cheerleader. How perfect! Why, I had a uniform in my closet! Saved just for one future Halloween! Just like scores of my old clothes that could only be worn as Halloween costumes! All I needed was a scary face. Done!

So, I put on my best scary face and terrified the neighborhood children.

 

The Husband went as himself, to which I cheered: L-A-M-E!

(He rejected my last-minute suggestion as Sumo Wrestler - I wanted to put him in a big cloth diaper so badly.)

Mermaid and Ewok had a certified blast trick-or-treating, Ewok even saying something that sounded like "Trick-or-Treat" and then "Thank you, bye!" In Ewok, of course.

 

Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

I told the Husband I needed to change before we headed out to the county fair - I was wearing gym shorts and a tank top from the morning - and he was all like why? If you wore that you'd look better than most of the people there.

He had a point.

Last year, I was mesmerized by the fashion choices of The County. The highlight being frayed t-shirts that said, "I love my boyfriend," acid-washed jeans, and other assorted Redneck Chic. You thought bandanas on heads were a relic of another time, but not in our County, apparently. IT IS ALIVE AND BEING WORN RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT.

Also, the Carnies. You've got to love the Carnies (bad teeth, sweaty, plumber cracks, smoking).

But, GIrl was THRILLED to be going to the fair with the rides and funnel cake, and her excitement was infectious.

Girl was not disappointed.

 

Check out the guy in the last car. I'm scared for him.

 

Then, there's the games (a.k.a. There's a Sucker Born Every Minute.) We found this great game geared towards kids (a.k.a. Pay us to let your child win a very crappy prize.)  The basic premise was: catch a fish with the magnetic fishing rod and then pick out your $2 or $5 bounty. I faced a tough decision: go with the small cheap piece of crap or go with the larger cheap piece of crap. I decided that I could not, in good conscience, pay $5 for a larger cheap piece of crap when a $2 small cheap piece of crap would do.

Check out the woman to the left of the sign. That is not me.

 

But, the fishing hole had another draw: it was in THE SHADE. This was worth the $2 alone. Plus, we got a very nice stuffed shark prize, a value of well over 25 cents! (See that Carnie behind Girl? He is facing IN THE SAME DIRECTION. That is also not me.)

 

Boy also had a blast, mainly in the form of Lemonade and Corn Dog.

I also had a blast, mainly in the form of Watching Children Have a Blast and Funnel Cake.

The best fashion spotted was a T-shirt that read, "There's too much Blood in my Alcohol System."

Next year, maybe we'll make the Monster Truck Rally or PIg Races. Alas, it was not in the cards for us this year. Although we did get to admire the 5-legged sheep out front of the Animal Freak Show. (Me = rushing by tent holding my hands over Boy's ears so he wouldn't hear the annoucer yell, "A pig with two heads! Alive! A goat with two heads! Alive!")

All in all, a wild culture ride. Next year, I'm wearing a wife beater with the bottom tucked into my bra to blend in better.

Scenes from the beach

 

Living vicariously, Part 7839

Disney World from the eyes of a 3 1/2 year old.

You might think that the tender age of 3 1/2 would be too young to appreciate the awesomeness that is Disney World. To that, I present to you Exhibit A.

And Exhibit B.

What I held out from you all is that I wasn't just in Florida, I was in ORLANDO. As in, home of THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. When I found out this conference was being held in Orlando a couple of years ago, I nearly did a jig of joy. Girl would be 3 1/2! WE MUST GO.

So, Saturday, Husband and Girl flew in to meet me. (Bless my parents who watched Boy back home.) I could hardly stand to wait and showed up by the hotel's entrance way early, staring at the automatic revolving doors for some sign of The Taxi pulling up. NB: staring at a revolving door will give you a headache. And will make you feel stoopid for continuing to stare at the revolving door but you can't look away since OHMYGOD they could be pulling up at any moment. OWMYHEAD.

When I saw them, I ran. Two days and I missed them so much! We threw things in the hotel room and made our way to The Magic Kingdom. I may have been drooling.

We spent 1 1/2 days there which was just right. Girl had a freaking blast, as did Husband and I. FYI- Off-peak season is so the way to go. The longest we waited for any ride was 20-30 minutes and many of them we walked right on or with minimal wait. 5 minutes for Pirates! 10 min for Small World! We did The Teacups x 3. Many of the children's rides were downright breathtaking - it's amazing how much goes into each one. I loved Peter Pan and Pooh. And Small World (my favorite) made me ovulate.

(*please note that my cleavage is NOT drinking apple juice from a straw. Sorry to disappoint. Mental note: shirt not appropriate for family theme park.)

At one point, we were walking in Toon Town and saw a tent where children could get their faces painted for a nominal fee (Note: Di$ney ain't cheap). Most of the girls went straight for the girly princess-y ones (I will not get into the multiple small girls wearing princess dresses and Snow White outfits around the park), of course my girl picks the Tiger Face. Girl was great, lying back in the chair and letting the woman paint her face. Then the moment of truth: the women held up a mirror for her to see what she looked like.

(straight face of displeasure)

Note the black sparkly lipstick was removed upon request by a stiff-mouthed tiger-puss who said solemnly without moving her lips, "My drool is coming." I feared a meltdown involving immediate Tiger Face removal, but she rallied (or forgot about it) after a spell and we got lots of Aw's! wherever we went.

Even during the surprise showers (whipping out our pre-packed ponchos-whosyourdaddy?) we had a fantastic time. And I can't can't can't wait to go back when both our kids meet all height requirements.

On a bicycle built for three:

Remember this when it seems like so long since they were babies

Remember, you, how his chubby legs would kick under the high chair tray, whenever he was happy.

Remember crawling into her bed, arms draping around each other, as her hand stroked your hair with the gentleness of the early morning.

Remember how she insisted to be the one to give him Cheerios, spreading a few for him on his tray, and a few for her in the far well.

Remember how, tonight, he nursed, his eyes slowly moving under his half-closed eyes. How he quietly came off the breast, slipping in a thumb just in place. How his body rested perfectly cradled in your arms, form-fitting your nooks with his head, and torso and legs. How his eyes still moved, ever so slowly, under mostly closed eyes, still barely sucking his thumb. You didn't want to leave.

Remember all lying on her bed, at bedtime, reading first prayers and singing Joy to the World, her favorite. In chorus.

Remember dancing the tango with him, cheek to cheek. How you would hold his hand in yours, his tiny fist clasping your thumb. How he'd laugh with delight with every pivot and squeal with every baby dip.

Remember sitting on the porch swing with him, waiting for her to come home from school. How she'd light with excitement upon seeing him. And you.

Remember how he'd follow you everywhere, crawling to catch up. How he'd want to be held every so often. By only you.

Remember conspiring with her. When you felt like her best friend.

Remember walking though the back door and seeing him after a long day at work. How you would coo and fawn be filled with joy. How you would pick him up and hold him to you like you were savoring the most delicate treasure. How you couldn't stop kissing him, over and over. You would close your eyes and breathe him with every breath.

Remember leaving for work, blowing her kisses through the car window. And sometimes air hugs.

Remember how much she loved him. Just how good she was to him. Because she is so good. And loving.

And how he loves her. Kicking his feet under the high chair tray to see her.

Remember this, you. Remember this time.

Christmas Confessional

There's a song I've been singing ALOT recently. A song that whenever I hear it played on the radio, I crank up the volume and ROCK OUT. A song that fills me with RECKLESS JOY and makes me feel like dancing like a rabid bat around the room. A song that commands me to use ALL CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE A DEMENTED PERSON.

Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas.

Maybe because it reminds me of Love, Actually. *big sigh* Definitely not because it reminds me of Mariah Carey. (But, c'mon, personality disorders aside, that girl's got pipes)

All I know is that song must have my resonant frequency all over it. Basically, crack to my ears.

The greatest thing about it is that Girl shares in my love, actually.

When mommy's seized by the music and starts singing along and hopping dancing wildly around the room, Girl follows suit. Jumping up and down, waving her arms excitedly like a rabid bat. For the entire song we dance, laughing and flapping and twisting and tossing our heads around. It is utter awesomeness.

And today, with all of us by our Christmas tree, I plugged in my ipod into the stereo, cranked up the volume, and the three of us danced until we could dance no more. We were out of breath, sweaty, and some of us a little more dizzy than others from the rare aerobic activity.

RECKLESS JOY.

This is really all I want for Christmas.