Navel gazing

I've written a lot about my belly button and the sadness I've felt over the years as it's been demoted from hot innie to depressed Old Man Umbilicus. My abdomen and waist used to be my favorite body part, actually, yet now it is dead last. I'm actually 10-15 lbs LIGHTER than I ever was before children (not counting the eating disorder days of yore where I looked like Lara Flynn Boyle/Skeletor/etc for a short time in college), and all of my former "problem parts" have become un-problems. (Not to say that I ever had serious problem parts - I've never had to be removed from my apartment with a bulldozer or anything, but relatively speaking here.) Also, please don't hate me for being lighter than before. I'm not sure what happened but it seems to correlate with being insanely busy and stopping regular exercise completely - go figure.

Which leaves the belly button area. After my first pregnancy, it was looking sadder but passable. After the second, it is a scene from a horror movie. It is SCARY.

In fact, Girl asked me one day recently what happened to my "hole." (Note: this took much time and energy for me to figure out exactly which hole she was referring to as she has difficulties with being specific, ever. Mildly disturbing.)

I decided that the navel ring must go back in. Ideally, I could find a navel ring that was floppy and wide and could cover the largest ab expanse possible. You know those huge gold medallions some people wear? What about something like that? Or a huge diamond-encrusted dollar sign? The larger the better.  The problem is that I took out my ring during the last pregnancy for obvious reasons and have not tried to cannalize that piercing since. Ouch.

So this weekend, I took it upon myself to make it patent again. I had flashbacks to that time in college where I stood in the tattoo/piercing parlor on Thames Street in Providence and a man with a shaved head and ripping biceps tattooed aplenty had me sit on the procedure chair and proceeded to pierce my belly button with a needle so large...and the searing burning pain involved...while my BFF watched with INTENT curiosity (she's now a doctor)...and it was done. I can't believe I did that. I'm such a chicken!

My piercing now was about 97% patent but that last 3% was not budging. After much awkwardness and forcible guidance, I got the ring through (ouch) and realized sadness of sadness, I've lost all tops to my navel rings. There was no way to fasten it. After all that work, I had a piece of metal sticking out of me, all pointy like, that would surely impale The Husband during a casual embrace or just fall out, if I didn't find something to secure it. I ALWAYS lose those fasteners, and in the past, had used a piece of an eraser in a pinch.

In true MacGyver style, I found the back clasp to a pin and clamped it over the end of the ring. Which means I have a clasp right now, protruding from my person. Hey, it works.

The Husband, though, doesn't understand why I care. Who cares? And if no one sees it (after I denied this was all in attempt to wear a bikini this season - um NO NEVER AGAIN), why would I even want to put a ring back in?

I told him that it meant something to me to feel beautiful, even if it was not a change that others would notice, and that *I* have to look at it all the time. I made the analogy to what if he had a supernumary nipple on his chest-wouldn't he like to have it taken care of it to not feel like a 3 nipple mutant person? He didn't think that was a good analogy.

Anyway, wondering if it's just a woman thing or maybe just a KC-woman-thing to even care. Is it just lack of body acceptance? Am I being unhealthy in my thinking?

But then I made a different analogy. It's like how women like wearing beautiful bras underneath their clothes, even when no one else is going to be seeing them- and how that can make you feel more confident and beautiful...I think that's true for some women.

In the meantime, waiting for the new navel ring (and fastener!) to arrive in the mail and bring a little dazzle to Old Man Umbilicus, for me.

Comments

[Grace]

Ack! I totally get it. I think it's normal.

[anna]

Now I am curious. How bad can a belly button look? Post a photo! with the new navel ring!

[Introvertster]

I think that women tend to give so much of themselves away to others--family, children, work, charity, etc.--that whatever it is we can give back to ourselves--be it a navel ring, impractical but beautiful shoes, a trashy novel--is a good thing. To each their own.

[Andrea-- Baggage Check]

I've missed you!
And oh, do I get it. I don't think it's problematic at all.... it's not like you're considering going all Heidi Montag. I totally agree with Introvertster-- it's the little gifts/boosts we give to ourselves that help make us more able to give to others.

[rima]

I am sure that you totally rock the navel ring. And I get how something underneath can change the way you feel about yourself outwardly. You go girl!