Don't worry, we at least removed the squorpse

The way I left it last time,I made it sound like something definitive was going to happen with regards to The Upside Down Kiddie Pool That Killed a Squirrel. The sad fact is, it remains, overturned, filled deeper and deeper with brown swill since we last talked (it rained since then).

We had guests over Saturday and at one point, I caught our friend looking out the back window at the disgraceful sight, answering questions from his 4-year old about why it looked the way it did. Kind of embarrassing to overhear words such as "brown water"and "I don't know" in that context.

On Sunday, I decided a) something must be done about the pool NOW and b) since it was the BOTTOM that was polluted with dead squirrel juice, there was really nothing actually wrong with the business end of the pool. Yes, the BOTTOM of the pool is ruined for life, and I wouldn't go touching it or anything like that, but the flip side, the actual pool vessel was perfectly fine. I would NOT approve just slashing it to bits with a knife which seems to be JP's solution to everything.

Waste not, want not.

Since I was keeping an eye on the kids, I set up a barricade of deck chairs to prevent the small dependent people from getting splashed with death water. I again tried to kick the pool, in hopes to spill enough swill that I could lighten the load.

In vain.

Soon, both kids escaped my ill-fortified makeshift barricade and came to inspect.

Jolie gave the pool a few of her kicks, and powerful as her legs are, the water didn't stir.

I tried to pick up the side of the pool but DAMN that thing was heavy. No dice.

Physics, I thought to myself, I need physics! What I needed was a freaking lever system. Fulcrums! I would outsmart this pool beast!

I found a long stick nearby and jammed it underneath the closest side of the pool, trying to wedge up the side to dump some water out. Curses! It was not working. Maybe something larger, like a shovel.

The doughnut of death

WTF, Mama???

By this point, JL seemed dangerously enamored with the pool and I feared he would stick a body part inside the thing or launch something that we didn't want to throw away in a red biohazard bag into the middle of it.

So, still, the pool sits, waiting to take the life of another small woodland animal. Any ideas that doesn't involve me touching that thing with something other than a 10-foot pole? (I am NOT bailing out that water with a pail, I can tell you that much.)  Anyone want to come over and take care of it for me? I'll make you dinner.

Hey! Come back here! What did I say? Help!

Comments

[natasha the exile on Mom Street]

I'm afraid I'm on Team Hack it to Bits...

[Manic Mommy]

Dude? It's inflatable. Why not just deflate it?

But I too am in the Hack it to Bits Camp. It's tainted. It's dead to me. Spend the $30.00 bucks on a new pool.

[aimee]

OMG I totally thought you were exaggerating for comic effect. But that picture makes it clear that, if anything, you were not fully explaining the grossness that is that pool. EEEEK! I came here with no ideas for you but will second Manic Mommy's idea! No matter what, we need another installment of this story!!

[magpie]

I know - a siphon! Get a garden hose and suck on one end until you get a ... mouthful .... of ....... dirty ....... um.

Okay, maybe not.

Deflate it. Though you might have to touch it to do that. But you probably have lots of latex gloves around.

[Becca]

I'm thinking it's time to slash it with a knife. Even though I'm normally in the waste not want not camp with you. Eech!

[KC]

Re: deflation idea. The "plug" is at the bottom of that cess pool so, yes, I'm passing on that option.

Siphon: laughing

Slashing with knife: Really? Everyone is pro-slashing? Are we in a recession or are we in a recession? Also? The slashing option is kind of moot since that would require JP to overcome serious inertia to take a knife to that thing, so I think it's me and my scheming or nothing. Also? Natural evaporation has not worked.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

I'm assuming the inflating nozzle is on the bottom side, which is why you don't just deflate it . . . you could always poke a small hole in it and repair it later with an inflatable thing repair kit . . . but honestly, dude, slash and burn.

[Andrew]

I burst out laughing at the captioning of your son!

WTF, Momma???

[AJU5's Mom]

I am with a pp and poke the thing with a needle. Circle the spot before poking it so you can easily find the hole later. Then it could be saved if the bottom isn't too disgusting after it drains...

[rimarama]

I would love it if you were my neighbor because then I wouldn't have to feel bad about all the crap in *my* yard.

As far as the pool goes, I would totally slash and trash it, but if you really want to keep it, maybe you could rent a wet vac?

[Hetha]

I burst out laughing at this entire post, but the caption under JL with his expression is freaking hysterical! Girl you're on a role!

[Asianmommy]

Yuck! Sorry, wish I could help.

[mary ellen]

My father used to throw a hose over the side of our (above ground, of course...) pool and then suck it out. How about that??! Option 2: It's still inflated, right? Deflate it, a little, then step on the corner (with big waterproof boots) so that the water pours out over your foot. Really. Try it!!

[elayne]

I can think of a few things to try, but they all involve a very strong probability of you getting splashed with at least a small amount of squorpse juice.

If the pool is in close enough proximity to a hose (I assume it would be, for filling purposes) you can try to drain it the way I had to drain my son's waterbed:

Stretch the hose out as long and straight as it will go. Without twisting or doubling the hose any more than necessary, place the free end of the hose into* the poolwater. Use a board or a brick or something to hold the hose underwater if necessary. Go to the spigot and turn on the water, slowly. When water starts flowing steadily INTO the pool, turn it off. (Yes, you are intentionally putting more water into the mix here.)

Carefully unscrew the hose from the spigot, being as careful as you can not to spill any of the water that's "sitting" in the hose. When you've unscrewed the hose from the spigot, take THAT end (the one you're holding carefully) and walk away from the pool, again stretching the hose out as straight and as smooth as you can. Then put that end of the hose on the ground - it has to be lower than the other end of the hose, although the hose itself can go up and down (to get over the side of the pool, for instance). Aiming it downhill would probably be helpful, but not strictly necessary.

As long as no air gets in to mess things up (that's why you make sure to keep the other "mouth" of the garden hose completely *under* the squorpse-juice) something resembling suction should be created - because of magic - and the puddle of water should soon be depleted to something that you can easily manage to tip over without needing a crane.

All of this is according to my father; I actually have no idea if it'd work in a situation where the water is not completely enclosed in a potential vacuum-ish situation as with a waterbed. But it might be worth a try*.

*Ah... but there's the rub. Yes, one business end of the hose must be completely immersed in squorpse juice, and that same lovely broth will be traveling through the entire length of your garden hose. So, perhaps if you have a SPARE garden hose, one that you never intend to use for anything again... (It wouldn't bother me too much, but I have a hunch it'd bother the hell out of you, especially if that's the same hose that is going to be filling the pool back up come summer.)

I think no matter what you do, something is going to have to get thrown away because of being contaminated by squirrel juice. Whether it's a bucket, a hose, a pair of shoes... or a pool.

[Small Fish]

my vote is to take a large shovel and just "shove" the water over the edge of the pool. Once it's light enough, don the full-body bio-hazard suit and turn it over.

Do keep us updated.

[LJ]

Ewww. Slash that sucker.

I had to remove Mickey's corpse from our in-ground pool and frankly I wanted to nuke the thing from orbit...I settled for a metric bun-load of pool shock.

In your case though, you'll never get all the squorpsicles out of the seams even if you get the flat parts clean.

And you'll know that it was the Pool O' Death, too.

Right now you might think of the kids playing again in that lovely pool that you spent money on and they so enjoyed last summer.

But when summer comes around again, even if you get all of the morgue water out, and it looks all nice and shiny clean... Squorpse!

Obviously, you must send the man out with a knife or sword or something.

(thank you for my morning giggle, the look on your son's face is priceless)

[KC]

Poking hole - promising, but a) I think there are multiple separate inflated sections, all non-accessible right now and b)repairing? TOO MUCH EFFORT.

Deflating - not an option.

elayne- Holy cow that was detailed. Thank you! But, no spare hose...Also: squorpse probably didn't leak too much of death juice out. It was brown before squorpse.

Shovel to "shove" out enough water - I like this option best so far. No direct contact. Potential salvage of vessel. Hmmmm.

LJ - but! but! the morgue water is on the other end of the pool...once it's flipped over proper, I'm thinking there wouldn't be cross-contamination from the other side. Certainly, I wouldn't be entertaining thoughts of salvage if it were the actual pool-side that was tainted and nastified.

Maybe I'll try to shovel idea. If I don't post again, call 911 and tell them to bring hazmat suits.

[flutter]

You seriously just made me howl. It was very unattractive, I think I coughed up a squorpse.

[Kyla]

I'd slice that thing up.

Okay, that's a lie. I'd make JOSH slice that thing up.

[Michelle]

Um, even if you can empty the pool for reuse, where's the brown water going to go? All over the ground for small children to walk and play in? I'm thinking call a Hazmat team. Or is there a sort of fott-operated pump that can send the water into the sewer? Failing all that, I am also on Team Hack it to Bits. Ew.

[Stimey]

Um, have you tried extensive nagging of your husband? That would have been my plan.