I go to lie down after dinner, not feeling so well. So, Husband goes about the business of putting Girl to bed alone.
I hear them in the bathroom right next to our room. The step stool dragging. Doors loudly shutting. (The baby!) Whining overtones drifting to my ears. Sounds of impending mutiny.
Crying. Her loud crying.
The sound of Husband walking out into the hall and shutting the door, the momentary magnified cries suddenly muted several notches. I hear his voice, strained. His limit, reached.
I drag myself out of bed and into the harsh bathroom light where Jolie stands half-undressed and suddenly more pliant. I get her dressed, brushed and into bed. She is tired, I decide. Maybe it was that popsicle after dinner. Maybe it was Husband and I, mostly talking to each other during dinner, hungrily catching up on each other's work day. Multifactorial, I conclude.
Our fault, probably.
So, I decide that tonight, for the "5 minutes" that I'll linger in her room with the lights out, I will curl up beside her. I rest my head on her pillow, 6 inches from her face. I drape my arm around her and she does the same. I observe my daughter, 6 inches away, taking in the half of her face not sunk into the pillow. It is a beautiful, less in focus half-face. She loves this closeness, I can tell. Repositioning her arm around me, touching my face. She is wildly in love with this closeness. At one point, she lifts up her head to touch me with her nose, then back down.
I am taken aback. I am taking it all in.
"Is it two minutes yet?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"Mommy?"
I wait for the question.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you too."
She takes her ring finger and rubs it gently into her pillow. Then uses her finger to touch her lips gently tracing them with a familiar pattern. Back and forth. Top and bottom. Dabs pillow. Trace. She does this without words, as if by habit, and I see it. It's me. Putting on my lip balm from my tin. It's me.
I laugh.
"Are you putting on lip balm?"
She giggles.
We're both laughing now, one turn after another. She keeps tracing her lips. Back and forth. Top and bottom.
It is five minutes or six or seven and she hugs me with all of her might.
And, I think: I need to do this more. Yes, she needs it too.
Cross-posted at Mothers in Medicine.
Whenever I have a moment like that with my daughter, I'm always kicking myself for not taking the time to make more like it. It's such a small thing, and it makes such a huge difference - for everybody. Our daughters, especially, they watch everything we do, just drinking us in. Sometimes I forget that and the awesome weight and joy it carries with it.
Posted by: rimarama | Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 07:24 PM
Beautiful. Thanks for the reminder that we all need that a little more.
Posted by: aimee | Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 07:31 PM
How wonderful! What a sweetheart she is.
Posted by: Becca | Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 08:18 PM
Oh that's so wonderful! What a great reminder to slow down and take it all in! Thanks!
Posted by: Leticia- Tech Savvy Mama | Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 11:48 PM
This is so sweet. She really is a love
Posted by: flutter | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 12:04 AM
Those are magic times that I kick myself for not taking more often. It's less time that I spend on 100 other things in a day that seem urgent, but those times in focus with our kids are so rare and precious. Thank you for the reminder.
Posted by: Mary | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 10:03 AM
I love this. Amazing. It's so easy to forget how much our kids crave that closeness.
Posted by: Elaine at Lipstickdaily | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 12:01 PM
That time is so precious and valuable...to us as parents, and to our kids as, well, kids.
Posted by: Wife and Mommy | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 01:19 PM
i love that kind of snuggling.
Posted by: magpie | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 01:34 PM
That is lovely. K and I frequently have these kinds of moments.
Posted by: Kyla | Thursday, February 05, 2009 at 08:01 PM
How timely, this is exactly what I needed to read. It would be an entire blog post to explain why....so just, thank you.
Posted by: Hetha | Friday, February 06, 2009 at 08:55 AM
How sweet ... My son is a major cuddler, too. He can't seem to get enough sleepy cuddles in. And I, of course, just eat it all up.
Posted by: Trannyhead | Saturday, February 07, 2009 at 06:37 PM
I don't know if we need it more or they do. Both, I think.
That was lovely.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | Sunday, February 08, 2009 at 10:29 AM
How is it going,
Apparently this guy
Giving accounts away at
http://runescapegiveaway.com
not my site
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Hi all,
my friend told me about this forum so i decided to sign up.
hopefully i can participate in some lively discussions here!
looking forward to talking to you all. :)
Posted by: DonereshyCose | Friday, February 12, 2010 at 09:35 AM