Version 19.0

We're pleased to announce version 19.0 which addresses some of known operating failures of version 18.0. The new and improved Joles features the following upgrades:

Laughs at own farts!

Signature dance moves!
The new and improved Joles can now do a mean George Jefferson waddle/strut dance featuring micro-movements of her head and upper body. Movin' on up, Weezie!

We also have included a special pre-bath endzone touchdown spaz dance, often involving a pair of maracas. (Maracas sold separately)

Now! With male companions!

(Male companions sold separately)


Comes with own bowl haircut!


More natural! No added preservatives!



Water tricks!
New advancements in water include blowing bubbles, putting side of head into water, kicking and laying on back. Just not while the instructor is looking.

Stronger! Faster! More daunting!



Expanding vocabulary designed for future sessions with a speech therapist!

apple: BAH boe
bubbles: BUH boes
cold: COAL
vacuum: GA goom
glasses: GAH!
cracker: GAH?
eye: AH
bunny: ME?
girl: GUH
car: CAW
choo choo: CHOO CHOO
hi: HAAAAA!
hello: WO?
P.U.: PAY YOU!
Nana: NA NA
Banana: BEE
egg: ECK!
moon: MUH
two: DIEU

Reproducible sounds that do not lend to easy phoenetic spelling
tree: ???
bird: ???
flower: ???

Other special sound effects:
WEEEEEEEEEEEE (while turning a swivel chair or while sitting in moving car)
WOOOOOOOOOO (after tripping or falling)
NOWWWWWWW (meow)

In espanol:
gato: gah-TOH!
vamonos: MANOS!

Number key:
1: DIEU
2: DIEU
3: DIEU
4. DIEU
5. DIEU
6. DIEU
7. DIEU
8. ATE!
9. DIEU
10. DIEU

The following version does not address the following known operating failures:

Thug-wear

What's with the pant leg, yo?



WWF-ness


Mounting the cat like a horse.

We'll be working on these for the next version...

Comments

[jen]

girl you had me laughing my ass off here....your side commentaries are hilarious. let me know where to get the male companion and the maracas.

[Penny]

LOL!!!Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, Ate! LOL!

[Jenny]

"Thugwear"HAHAHAHAHA!

[Anonymous]

Good God! Your kids now officially know more words than I do. Amazing!More people should be funny like you. It's just not right that they aren't! Stop being so funny! ;)

[KC]

Jen, I think you can purchase those accessory items on e-Bay.Hee-hee to all.

[Middento]

Angela: Hey, according to K's blog, our son is up for grabs on ebay. Did you put him there?Jeff: Uhhh, no.Angela: Hmm. I'm checking anyway. I don't trust the likes of you. Especially after he tromped on all those papers you've been grading.Jeff: Hmm. Good point. How much is the highest bid?... I mean, no! I would never do such a thing as... *runs and hides*Angela: /makes sound like Marge Simpson/

[KC]

Jeff/Angela, clarification: male companions to Joles, version 19.0 can be purchased on eBay. But that Xan is one-of-a-kind and Joles is not giving him up. p.s. she can now say Xan when she sees his picture. (phonetic spelling currently not possible)

[Angela]

And Xan is still saying Jolie (and not confusing her with apples) when he brings me her picture. I think he is asking for aonther date!